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心有余而力不足, 此时此刻的我心情竟是如此..
It's been awhile since such feelings occur within me..
To have the heart to fulfil things,yet lacking the energy or motivation to carry them out.

Things that occur have been slowly but surely taking its toll on me.
Much as i thot it wouldn't have affected me so, it seems that its underlying effects are wrecking me subconsciously.

I have, but tried to stay focus despite everything. But it seems everything is slowly falling apart.
I'm beginning to feel like a failure. I never thot that QP would inevitable affect me even more that i expected.
All the budgets,canvassing etc are taking its effects. And i question if my initial decision was a right one. Was it a decision made based on impulse? Or was it based on the sole belief that I would be able to handle anything that comes along the way. Every semester poses a new challenge, a tougher one than before. And every year, I challenge myself even more by taking on even tougher stuff to add on to it.
First, it was cast last yr; then it was TCM now. TCM has yet to start, but i'm feeling its tremors. Adding to it, i'm beginning to think that i might be failing not only myself, but also those who trusted in me in my circle of friends.
It seems, every potential jobs that come along, something has to happen on the way to take it away from me.

I never thot i would belittle myself especially when it comes to handling other activities outside academia. I always pride myself with the ability to handle and manage commitments out of school, so do my friends in school who seem to be in awe of me in one way or another.
But right now,i've been meeting obstacles one after another. How many of such obstacles can i cross before i fall down,flat against the ground and never getting up again?

I am, to such an extent, running away.
Contemplating of staying home is becoming so real as the days pass. It's not difficult to guess when something is wrong. I'd juz call home and ask for my mum's suggestion on whether i should go home. Of course, i'll do it on the pretext that i've got an early day or a late day the next day etc. Whatever it is, the real reason would not be explained for i noe my mum's clever and sensitive enough to guess. Of which she wouldn't ask me about it too.
Otherwise, I'll start to whine about how i miss my baby in the middle of the week or how my baby keeps appearing in my mind at the weirdest times in the day.

Preparing sponsorship proposals always leave me with a tinge of doubt. Would i really be able to garner sufficient funds for the show to go on?This, only time can tell..

Right now, I guess i need to make use of my turtle shell and hide within; away from the judging eyes of people.

All i ask of now, is a glimpse of hope that somehow, everything will fall in place. Of course, I hope my efforts would not go to naught.

And for all these, i pray..

If only you knew at 11:02 PM