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"It's a maze...that's LIFE.."~Carolyn Lau (HA!)

After the Final Showdown of my concluding core papers for tis exams..with the exception of the GE on fri..i've came to a conclusion..that is..

I'M LOSING MY SENSE OF DIRECTION!
(See the pic???so many paths..so many directions..so many choices..)

I seriously have no idea wat's been going on for tis whole exams..Is it juz me..or is it the papers that have been set??
Disappointment sets in..paper after paper after paper..Everytime i end with one paper..i get demoralised..i tell myself..i've got to fight on..it's over..the other papers will turn out alrite...But time after time after time...the papers fail me..i've failed the papers..

Wat the hell is going on?!?!
I've answered my own question..i think it's me..if others can do it..why can't i?
We're all humans..i've got 2 eyes,2 ears,1 mouth,1 nose,2 hands,2 legs..a body..juz like everyone out there!!

FAILURE:is that my destiny??
Yes, i guess that is..Reluctant as i may seem to wanna admit it..I can't..
The truth lies rite in front of me..right smack in my face..
FAILURE!

I guess that's juz the way to go..
My sense of direction is gone..my wind speed damaged,broken,malfunctioning...there's no direct path ahead..so many paths..so many criss-crosses..so many choices..how am i to noe which is THE ONE?

"Life is the sum of all your choices"~Albert Camus

Have i made that many wrong choices that has led me to this current stage?
Or is it juz my destiny that i've got to accept?That i've got no control..watsoever..as to how things can at least turn out to be slightly better?

I noe i'm not intelligent..
But i've tried to make up for my lack of tis natural intelligence with my hard work and effort..Ain't it not enough??
Well i guess..yesh...it's not enough..
Tis has only made me even more affirmative that intelligence is 先天性。。 while hard work is juz to make up a lil bit of tis 先天性的差异..i guess..if i dun even put in hard work..i'll be out there..sweeping the roads liao..However,no matter how much hard work is put in..it'll never ever ever be able to catch up and make up for tis 先天性的差异..

On another note..i was down and out..was thinking of u..somehow like the other few times..u juz appeared again..however when i tried to open up to u..i pulled myself back again..
Somehow,i no longer see myself opening up to u anymore..i guess..it could be due to the response and replies that i received..but again..wat can i expect when all i can do is to deduce the tone,the meaning,the sincerity of the replies i get over tis lifeless computer?!
But again,all i ever get is also juz words..WORDS,WORDS AND MORE WORDS..i dun like!
I want affection..i need the physical presence..i dun want juz lifeless words..wat can words do?!

Words:they're juz non-living things that are used to communicate..they are seen when it's written out or typed out..they are heard when they are spoken..

Words can be used to bring ppl all the way up to heaven(aka praises)..it can also bring ppl all the way down to hell(downright criticisms)..Words can be flowery..they can also be monotonous..
Words can bring out the feelings and emotions..but how well..how apt can they be if u can't even find the exact words to describe..I mean..how many times have u experienced a particular feeling that u so wanna express out..so wanna put it across and describe to another person..to let them noe how u feel inside..but are held back..becoz there juz isn't tis one,specific,rite to the feel kind of word to describe it?
Tis is when affection comes in..or at least that's wat i think..physical contact,be it a hug,a kiss,even juz face-to-face contact..can speak so much..u dun even need words to say anything..
Sometimes at tis point..Silence is the best way to say it all..

Now,tis is wat i'm feeling..maybe ur presence might juz solve tis idiosyncrasy of mine..
But again,maybe not..maybe it's juz wat i thot it was..but in actual fact..it's not the case..
Dun say u noe..or u understand..u're not me..u'll never noe..neither will u ever understand since i dun even understand me myself..
U can only say...actually i also dunno...HA!

~Great..i juz blabbered some nonsense..~oh well..yah i noe..i'm ending it quite abruptly..but wth..

Heavens Arms

If only you knew at 1:13 AM